♪ Fixed & Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick ♪
Hi. Did you miss me?
No. Not at all.
I'll take that as a compliment.
It's okay. You won't lose any data.
It's on somebody's cloud.
Oh my god.
Ah, control click the package.
The collections were tragic.
We can only hope our customers
are as color-blind as our designers.
It's hidden in the installer.
Hold on. That's my sitter, Jill.
Ya.
Hi Jill! How's Laila?
She didn't bite anyone did she?
Uh-uh-hold on, this is my-my-assistant.
Oh my God yeah.
The models were fat.
They said they were healthy, but they were fat.
Uh... you control click it.
It's the key that says CTRL. It's on the-
Oh my God! That is disgusting!
A package is actually a folder.
Yeah, they do that to make it simple...
but it's always hard to explain it.
Oh my God. That is so cute. I can't stand it.
- Wait a minute. Oh no. - Are you brushing your teeth!?
Do not say that again!
Hold on Luis, that's my sitter again. Hey, Jill what's up?
Well, the installer image is inside.
About 8 giga-
- Okay. I can hear you. - Sorry.
Hi.
Wait, wait, wait. It's not on the cloud?
Oh boy. Okay, you need to back it up first. You know I told you-
and I don't really want to talk about it... again.
Probably take three or four hours...
you know... and... yeah, uh, do that...
I know she does. I know...
but I'm a mom and moms worry...
...ugh, nothing. I'll see you in a bit.
How was fashion week?
Good.
- Hiiii! Hi, Laila! Ohhhhhh. - You're so excited to see Mommy!
Oh, ho, ho! You missed Mommy, huh?
Oh, Caramel kisses, gimme caramel kisses!
Oh, poor girl. I missed you too.
Ah. We went to the park and the post office, the movies...
The movies?
It's freezing in there. Did you put her sweater on?
Yes, but she didn't like it so I...
Jill. She needs her sweater.
Isn't that what her fur is for?
Uhhh, Here ya go.
You know, it feels weird taking money for...
hanging out with my BFF, maybe...
I could just stay for dinner... or?
Uh... Uh, Abby has a client dinner.
Oh. 'Kay.
I will see you tomorrow night. Bye Littles.
Her name is Laila.
She looks more like a Littles.
How long you been driving on that spare?
About a month. Bye!
House number two is a fixer upper just outside the city.
Oh, that place is disgusting.
Is that mold?
It's gotta be.
They're never gonna pick house two.
Mmm.
Terrible location.
Hey, Kat. What's up?
You guys want to grab a bite at Julio's?
Two for one margaritas!
They don't allow dogs.
Okay. How about Chutney Palace?
Laila doesn't like Indian.
I think we're just gonna stay in.
Bye, bitch!
Oh, I want that house.
You're squishing Laila.
Sorry.
Don't! She's tired.
Sorry.
Make some noise for fuck's sake!
Kent.
I love you so much.
So you're cool with being friends?
Wh...?
Wait. You're still breaking up with me?
Whoa. Whoa, whoa. We were never officially together, so.
And I mean if you think about it..
It's a good thing we didn't get too involved you know?
Woulda been much harder.
But, you're on the lease.
I got a new lease.
Awww. You love these NON-GMO biscuits. Yeah. Good Girl.
Give mama your face and wipe your mouffy. Good girl.
What are my girls up to today?
We're hittin' the doggy park.
We're gonna see Bernie the pug, and Oliver the Westie,
and Sage the Beagle, and their mommies.
You two. Need to make a baby.
We're not ready for that.
Bye.
Bob wants to see you in his office.
Mhmm.
I uh... I got you something.
It's a USB coffee mug warmer.
You plug it into your USB port and it...
Keeps it warm.
Oh.
Mmmm, mmm, mmm.
Listen, Jill. Ahhh, it's been great...
having you with us for the last few months.
Thank you so much,
I-I really enjoy working here everyone's just so,
so nice.
We're cutting back on our temps.
D-down-sizing, economy and all, uh...
we're gonna have to let you go. I'm sor-I'm so-I'm sorry.
But, this is where I work.
Well, not anymore.
They really love their dog.
- They love that dog too much. - Jesus Christ.
Is that thing wearing a tutu?
Cute Christmas Card.
Kaaaaaat!!! What's up bitch! What's up bitch!
I'm so glad you're here it's a snooze fest in there.
Good thing you didn't come to Julio's.
I'm still shit faced.
Do you have any coconut water?
Who-ooo. Love the dress!
Thank you. I made it out of a pair of Eliott's pants.
What?! If you don't create your own clothing line...
you should be convicted of crimes against humanity.
You guys can put your shoes in the basket.
I know the rule, Eliott.
Wow. Rambo! What have you been doin'?
A little yoga.
Devon, this is Abby and her husband Eliott.
Hi. How ya doin'?
How's it goin' uh...? Where's the bar?
Uhhhhh, yeah it's over, yeah it's, follow me.
Oh my god, bitch.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Wh -what happened to what's his name?
He found my driver's licence.
I got this for you at Julio's.
Ew! I hate Sangria.
Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry I'm late.
They had this worker appreciation thing for me.
You know, they gave me a plaque with my name on it!
Of course Kent wanted to take me out to celebrate...
so I had to go. He loves me.
Laila's in the office and she almost got stepped on.
Oh, my God. Laila. Laila!
1993's calling.
It wants it's pink dress back!
Do you wanna hold her?
No.
I-I mean, I better not.
Do you have to say no babies?
What was that?!
Oh, God. Hurry!
This is so great. You guys gotta watch this.
- Get in the basket. - Daddy, help.
Go on Laila get in your basket.
Good girl! Good girl! Good girl!
Everyone.
We have an announcement to make.
Some of you know already, but we were waiting until it was
confirmed to share the news with the rest of you.
You're pregnant!
Congrats!, That's so exciting!
Noooo.
Eliott has been promoted to Vice-President...
of Nerd-dom at Marina Tech in-
We're moving to San Francisco.
San Franciso!!! WhooHoooo!
Get the fuck out of here that's great! Congratulations!
San Franciso!!! WhooHoooo!
I got fired today.
I got fired today. I can't believe I got fired.
They kept Ephraim and he misfiles everything.
He filed Watermaker before Wasserstein.
He's always late to work and he takes two hour lunch breaks and
the only reason he works so quickly
is because he's hopped up on meth.
They fired the girl who never forgets a birthday.
Who works overtime for free! Who hand painted one hundred.
"I heart my co-worker" coffee mugs for Valentines day.
And now my BFF is moving away!
It's not fair. It's not faaaaair!
Bye, bitch. I'm drunk.
Bye, Eliott.
Bye.
Byee. Bye pretty boy.
I can't find my other shoe.
Here, I'll help you.
It just vanished. Just Whoosh!
It's been such a hard couple days.
I...I lost my job and I lost my boyfriend and I got my period.
Okay. I'll make up the couch.
Come on. Oh!
Ohhh. You guys are so sweet. I'm sorry I lost my shoe.
Thank you. I'm just gonna miss her so much.
I know.
Would you like to keep her at your house until Wednesday?
Yeah, it would really help us.
Uh, we're gonna be moving and she'll be under our feet...
Are you serious?! I'd love to.
Well, did you hear that?
You're comin' to camp Jill, Littles.
It's Laila.
Mhmm.
Here's her snack bag and her wee wee pads.
Make sure you have her blankie.
You have the 24 hour emergency vet number, right?
Don't worry.
Everything will be fine, she'll be safe with me.
Byeee.
Call me if you need anything!
I will!
Bye!
Bye.
Let's get this ugly sweater off of you, huh?
Ohhhhh!
Oh my gosh, you know who's engaged this week?
Should I get engaged?
This is called Juicy Glow.
Do you want to stay and watch TV with me tonight, Shelby?
No.
Please Shelby?
No!
'Kay.
How much longer do you think? Because, well, last time you...
didn't leave them in long enough an-and it didn't really look any
different, and, oh, Kent really loves highlights.
Five minutes for you.
Three for the dog.
Ya know, if you really want 'im back...
you outta let me bleach your asshole.
How'd you find me?
Your mom told me.
You know, she's really upset we're not together anymore.
Well, I'm kind of working, so... What do you want?
Um, well, you left this in my fridge...
and I thought you might miss it 'cause...
I know you love it an-and I don't really eat it,
so...
Well, where's my hot sauce? Been missin' that.
Why did you leave me? You never said why.
Because you wanted me to stay.
It's 1:30. Where is she?
What's she doing out there?
Jill?
Jill, what's wrong?
Jill, please roll down the window.
Jill, roll it down.
Where's Laila? Jill?
Jill, roll your window down!
Jill!
Open the door! Open this door and talk to me! Jill!
Where's Laila? Where is Laila?!
Answer her! Jill!
Where-is-Laila?! Jill!
Where's Laila?! Where's Laila?! Where is Laila?! Where's Laila?!
Where is Laila?! Where is she?!
You let me in this car now!
Where-is-she?! Open that door! Where's Lai-Laaaa?!
Goooooooone!!!
Abby!
What we have here is a canine emergency.
Get your flyers and plaster the area.
Who's got West Valley bike path?
Sir. Yes, Sir!
I need your eyes and ears on me people.
Sandwich?
What kind?
It's meat Senorita.
This is a code red.
Ooh, sandwiches.
What time were you at the dog park?
Uh, the afternoon, between 12 and 12:42?
Can you be more specific?!
I told you already. They took her at the dog park.
How many more times do I have to tell you?
As many times as it takes!
She was kidnapped at Laurel Park, Officer.
Has there been a ransom demand?
No! He wants to know what the kidnapper looked like.
What were you doing when she was taken?
I'm speaking. What did he look like?
Were you drinking?!
Um-uh-He was-over 6 feet tall, uh...
medium toned skin, 30's and uh, he had an anchor tattoo...
on his bicep and just beady eyes and wild hair...
an-and he was missing his left thumb.
I was picking up her doody and I looked away for one second.
One second!
He wants to know what she was wearing.
Nothing. Well, it was hot so I took off her sweater.
Why do you keep doing that? She loves her sweater.
I am so sorry, I will do anything.
She wasn't wearing anything, Officer.
The babysitter said she was more comfortable naked.
Please tell me she had her collar on.
Well of course she had her collar on.
Collar?!
Ma'am are we talking about a dog, or a person?
A person! She won't even eat dog food.
Tell me what kind of dog that is?
Spoiled.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Oh.
If he wants money... why hasn't he contacted us?
He will.
That's him! That's him.
Oh, no. Someone lost Perro Perdido.
Ay, Dios mio.
Our dog is missing. Have you seen her? Her name's Laila.
Laila?
Honey, Honey, no, no, that's not Laila. No. Sorry.
Laila!!! Laila!!!
Laila! Laila! Laila!
Laila! Laila! We love you, Laila! Laila!
Oh, my God.
Her D'Ugg.
We're losing light.
Awwwww.
Get it!
Hello. Yes, it is.
No... I don't want my phone line over broadband.
Hang up!
Six months? No commitment?
I don't care! The kidnapper might be trying to call us!
I have your dog.
Oh, Jesus.
If you want to get your dog back
do not contact the police, or she will die.
Do not contact the FBI...
or she will die. Do not contact Cesar Milan, or she will die.
Do not think you can outsmart me. I have a degree.
Place thirty thousand dollars...
in unmarked bills in a duffle bag.
The drop off will be tomorrow night, 10 pm at the quarry.
Laila.
Do not be late, or she will die.
There's a quarry in LA?
I'm calling the police.
Are you crazy? He'll kill her.
What do we do?
If you hadn't found Jill on Greg's list...
this never would have happened.
She babysat her for a year. It coulda happened to anybody!
But it didn't. It happened with her and you hired her!
You don't know how that makes me feel.
You don't know how I feel.
What?! I'm the one in pain here.
This sucks.
I'm the one in real pain.
It places the lotion in the basket.
No! The lotion goes in the basket!
You spoiled, fucking Bitch.
I can't believe you made me drive...
all the way to Silverlake to return a shoe.
What's Jill going to do with one shoe?
Hey there she is.
With Laila.
Abby and Eliott What the Fu...
Hey, guys!
Where is she?
Oh, my shoe!
We know you kidnapped Laila!
Owwww!! Ohhh Goddd, owwwww!!
Where did she go?!
She locked the door!
Ohhh, no, no, no wait.
Wait, we have your money. We have your money!
I'm gonna to kill you! Jill!!!
Oh! Watch out! Watch out! Outta the way!
Outta the way! Laila! Lailaaaaaaa!!!!
Here's your fucking shoe!
Oh, my God. You think you know somebody.
You don't think she made her go in this?
How much money?
Thirty grand.
Thirty G's? Hell no!
No money, no way, no how.
You don't negotiate with terrorists.
Just look for clues or something.
This is all just junk!
Ugh. Check on this. Check that out. Put that somewhere.
I can't do anything with that!
Just fucking taxes from two thousand an...
You guys better come look at this.
Oh, my God.
We gotta catch that bitch and take her down.
Where do you think she went?
No idea.
- Wait a minute. Gimme your phone. - Gimme your phone.
I think I can track her.
How?
I'm gonna drop a pin in her ass.
We're doing the right thing, right Littles?
I mean, you were suffocating in those clothes and...
oh that stroller! God. You must've felt like an idiot.
If you wanna go back, bark three times in a row, okay?
I'm listening.
Good. I agree with you. Whew.
Two independent girls, out on the road...
kickin' ass and takin' names.
Whoooooohoooooo!
Get on the highway. She got to the highway.
Tur-turn right here.
Wait, right there?
Ri... ya missed it!
I'm sorry!
Okay!
This is exciting!
I feel like we're on and episode of Hart to Hart.
Jill, please, please, please please, please...
she'll just turn her phone off and we'll lose the blip.
Please just pull over somewhere so we can-Kat!
Listen, you skinny circus freak.
Don't!
Forget about the ransom.
You're not going to see one red cent.
Turn the fuck around and give them back their dog, or I'll-
Don't!
Just look at the map.
I can't tell which dot is ours.
Ours is the one with the arrow.
It's upside down!
Well, flip it back over.
Which dot!
It's not a dot! Why are you such a computard?!
Littles, I love you so much...
so F-ing much, that if I ever lost you, I would shoot myself...
In the head like this. Ruff! Ruff! Blooood!
Blood and guts and brain everywhere. Oh, there's that
memory. There's, there's that time I went with Kent...
to the-to the diner and I had to buy his food.
And there's that time that I got made fun of in second grade.
And there's that time that my mom said I looked like a boy.
Everywhere, all across the windshield.
Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!
Oh, my god! That's an invitation to pedophiles.
Hey pervert, here's all the info you need to kidnap my kids.
Now you can address them by name when you invite them...
into your creepy van.
You can even invite Doug the cat.
So the cat can get fucked. In da back of da van.
Kat! Kat.
Yeah, you shouldn't say stuff like that. What?
I know Kat said that I wouldn't pay you anything,
but I'm willing to go halves. That's fifteen thousand dollars!
I know you need it, so I am willing to compromise.
What are you doing?
I told you not to call her.
Phone.
It's funny how people always d-
It's not funny.
Stop the car. Mama needs more vino.
Jill. Jill, listen. You can have all the money.
Jus-just tell us where to meet you...
and you can have all of it, okay? I gotta go,
but please, please, please call me back.
Signal's gone. Wonder why, Abby.
She turned her phone off! I told you not to call her!
It's like I'm not even here sometimes!
Jesus Christ, you know I do know some things!
Fuck! Goddamnit!
I'm sorry! I am sorry!
What if we never find her?
I'll buy you another Yorkie!
Vino!
Here!
Put your seat belt on!
I was going to!
Oh, stop it!
What's the game plan here?
We'll keep checking the phone...
and hopefully she'll show up again.
I'm exhausted. Nap and then dinner?
Nap!
Okay. Us too.
Oh, my god.
It's not that bad.
Ah. Oh, my God get it off. Get it off. Get it off!
Help! Help me!
Don't be a helpless victim.
With the Medical alert belt clip, help is only a beep away.
Did Jill turn her phone on?
No.
I'm going to get us some water.
Grab a hard piece of wood. Cherry-
Getting to first base in baseball-
I got us fried chicken!
My favorite part of road trips
is being forced to eat fat-ass food.
Too bad I couldn't find the Creamy Cone.
Ah! Have I told you how much I missed you?
That's so sweet.
What is that?
You smell so good. What is that? Biscuit flour?
Okay. We already tried that at Lilith Fair.
I'm not being sexual, it's just that you smell really...
that my Grandma used to make for me and I really miss her-
Okay, you're a freak.
No! No!
Who wants some Chick-Chick-Chicken?
Is that your Mom?
I'll be in the bar.
How can this place not have a bar?
Hey if you want to talk... okay...
Stan and Dan Janson...
Private Investigators at your service.
Is your spouse cheating on you?
You need Real Professionals.
Is your employee embezzling funds?
You need Real Professionals.
Are you searching...
for a long lost parent?
You need Real Professionals.
If you answered yes- Yes!
To any of those questions.
Then you need to call-
Us! Real Professionals!
Reeeaal Professionals.
How much longer are we going to hang out here?
What do you mean? As long as it takes.
The movers are coming tomorrow.
We need to figure this out, make some calls...
start cancelling stuff, something. She may never turn
her phone back on again. That's totally possible, you know.
We have no leads, nothing to go on. The ransom's...
not even an option anymore. She's too scared to claim it.
How do you know?
You can't get inside her head any more than I can.
What-the-what the hell am I supposed to tell my new boss,
huh? Sorry, I can't move to San Francisco...
cause my dog was kidnapped?
Tell him someone died.
Tell him your Mom died. I don't care.
Laila and I would never move without you.
I need candy.
Go get your candy.
Come on, Littles. Come on.
What's the plan?
Shhhhh!
You go that way.
- You go that way. - I'll go this way.
Just do what I say!
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Gimme that!
Oh god!
My eyes!
Oh, crap! Oh crap!
Oh, my god it burns!
Oh, my god it burns. Oh, my god!
Oh, please let them be okay.
Don't look at me like that. It was dark.
I thought they were rapists.
Where is my purse?
Oh, I need water.
You two need Real Professionals.
Yeah, she's adorable. I'm sorry for your loss guys.
Thank you.
Anyways, uh...
let's get the necessities out of the way.
The fee is gonna be $10,000 upon recovery.
No problem.
Oh, my god. Ahhh, yeah, okay.
Laila, she have any, ah, friends that are a little more...
unsavoury, maybe someone with a criminal...
record, a background, somethin' like that?
Oh, we know who did it. It was our dog sitter, Jill.
She did this.
She did?
She attacked us.
We don't feel comfortable...
approaching her ourselves anymore...
I mean, you can see why.
She sounds terrible.
Thank you.
She told us that Laila was kidnapped and then...
we caught her walking her outside her apartment.
Whaaat? That's crazy.
She's-Yes!
She's a pathological liar.
And she was wasted at our going away party.
Here's a photo of her. Don't be fooled by that Holiday smile.
- She's pretty. - She's really pretty.
Are you sure this is the girl?
I-I don't see how a girl this pretty could steal a d-
Ah. Uh... She did this.
She did this.
Yeah. I'll find her.
I promise you guys. Okay?
Why is he eating now? Shouldn't he be catching up to her?
Ugh.
Thirty seven cents and two ketchup packets.
That's all we have, Littles. Wanna meet my Mom?
I guess she's busy, Littles.
Hey! Hey! The blip came back on!
Hold on. Hold on. Let me handle this.
Okay.
Hey, Dan. Jill's GPS says she's just west of the 95...
and it looks like there aren't any towns around there
or anything, so I'm thinkin' she must be at a... rest stop?
Yeah-oh great!
Perfect! Yeah, I'm just, I'm drivin' just east of there.
Oh, you are huh?
You-you said the 95, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Not a problem.
I am on the case. Got it.
Have you forgotten what she did to our eyes?
Why is he taking photos?
We already showed him a picture of her.
She's going to the B room.
What is he doing in there?!
Why do you think I know what's he's doing?!
If Laila's only hope is him...
then that pooch is Gone Doggy Gone.
The Hell she is!
What are you guys doin' here, huh?! You guys followin' me?!
Someone has to be a detective!
Ah-ha-ha!
I am being a detective!
I-I-took incriminating photos and I bugged her car!
Why didn't you just grab her while she was here?
There's proper protocol you have to follow!
These things take time, guys!
Come on! If I just grabbed her that's battery, okay?!
Stop following me, go back to your motel...
and I'll call ya when I get the dog. How 'bout that?
We'll stay at my Mom's in New Mexico-
Yes! New Mexico! Let's do this!
And then we'll get back on our feet and hit the road, Thelma!
Arf! Arf! Arf!
Just had a very interesting conversation with the Harmons.
They are not happy.
Said you took all kinds of photos of that girl,
and then let her get away. Is that right?
It is right, but I-I was establishing a pattern of
behavior to determine my rescue approach.
Danny! What did I say? KISS. K-I-S-S. Keep it simple, stupid!
You know where she is right?
Yes. Yes. I'm tailin' her right now. I got her in my sights.
Ah. Yeah, well, uh, then I don't see what the problem is.
Mmmm. Get the Goddamn dog!
Hello?
Stan and Dan Janson.
Private Investigators at your ser-
Barracks were utterly destroyed.
Most of the Military Personnel of approximately 20 thousand...
were wiped out. The distorted steel framework is all that...
remains of a building which stood four...
Did Dan respond to your text or call or anything?
Let's see, thirty seconds ago he didn't respond...
a minute ago he didn't respond, two minutes ago-
Okay! I get it. Don't be a dick about it.
Sorry. I'm annoying myself.
What's this? You're a smoker tryin' to quit, huh?
Nope. Just spearmint.
Ah. Cutesy little doll. Maybe a little drug trafficking?
No. Just a doll. Whoa. That's uh...
That doll's had a rough time.
Whoa. Look at you, Jill. What's this for, huh? Stabbin'?
Doin' one of these?! Doin' one of these to somebody?!
Heh heh. You're goin' down, babe.
You are being tracked by a professional. Uhh. Kay.
Puppy rescue. Children's Hospital.
She saves whales. She saves everyone.
Hmph.
Oh, Jill.
- Arf! Arf! Arf! - Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!
- Kat, go for a walk or something. - You're driving us crazy.
Stop it.
I can't. Devon took my medicine.
- It's not medicine. - It's a crutch.
If it makes me feel better, it's medicine.
- What's up? It's okay. I'm cool. - See I have a license.
It's my get out of jail free card. Like if a cop came by,
you could hand it to me and we'd be cool.
Phew....
- Oh, yes... You saved my life. - Can I buy a little off you,
or a lot? I mean, however much you can spare. I'm desperate,
well not desperate, okay, I'm desperate. I-I'm travelling
with The Borings. Looking for their kidnapped dog. The amount
of ransom they're spending on that dog could feed a village
in Somalia. I mean, I do love Africa though. I've been to.
Okay, just, shut up... please.
It's a hundred.
What?! That's not even an eighth. I've got like twenty
bucks! Wait! I'll grab some cash off The Borings. They're just a
few doors down. It'll only take me a sec. Did I tell
you that I love your tattoo? I almost got a tribal tattoo once
in Fiji, but Ichickened out when I saw the size of the needle. I
mean it was this giant porcupine quill covered
in blood. Now, this was the 80's and AIDS was no laughing
matter. I was like, okay, stick that in my ass HIV.
Ah! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Bitch.
SOUND
- Dan texted. Checking in. - Capturing suspect. Have
cash ready. Please stop calling my Dad!
Yes!
Abby and Eliott.
SOUND Shit. Oh, oh, shit, Eliott.
I'm starving. I'm gonna go to the Creamy Cone.
Okay. I'm just gonna stay here and do nothin'.
Okay.
Hi.
- Oh, driving on the spare. - Do you happen to have
a spare spare? I'm so... that's a dumb j-I don't
know wha-I could drive you to the gas.
- Oh, I don't have any money. - I lost my purse.
Bummer. Where ya headed?
My Mom's near Santa Fe.
Actually it's your lucky day. I'm-I'm headed to Santa Fe on
a, on a business get to-tr-trippy thing. Business trip. It's weird,
yeah? Coincidence, right that- that we both go to the same
place 'n stuff, Goddamnit Jill.
SOUND Cute dog.
Thanks.
Hey, I found a D-
Take your clothes off! Now Mother Fucker!
Take your fucking clothes off!
SOUND Do whatever they tell you!
Okay.
Female Robber Come on!
Hurry the Fuck up!
I am! I'm taking them off! I'm taking them off!
Hurry up!
I am! I can't go any faster!
Come on!
Everything!
They weren't finished. Take it all off, now!
Seriously. I'm not going anywhere in this-
Oww!!! Okay.
Hurry up!
Wallets, purses, in a pile now!
Hurry the Fuck up.
Where's the rest? Where's the rest?
Hurry up!
Where's the rest!
I'll blow his fucking globe to bits! I will fucking do it!
It's in the bathroom!
Go get it, baby! Go get it!
I got it! I got it.
Let's fly, baby.
Have fun with The Borings.
SOUND Whoohoooo!!!
SOUND
Thank you for coming to our rescue, Dan.
Oh, pfft, it's no big deal really.
No, it is, I don't know how much longer we would have
lasted out here, so... thanks.
You don't have to keep thankin' me.
Well, if you'd accept my thanks, I'd stop thanking you.
Fair enough, you're welcome.
Thank you.
Dan and Jill.
Thank you. Yeah, well, I don't-
- You got me confused. - Okay.
Holy Be-Jesus!
What?!
I have the same affirmation note!
Oh, my gosh.
- Wow! This is unbelievable. - Unbelievable! And to think if
my car hadn't broken down and you hadn't stopped to
save us, well we'd never know that there was someone else
out there on the same lonely highway with the same motto. Wow, right?
Yeah. Yeah, wow.
There are no coincidences.
Well, that went well.
I feel like they thought we were in some smarmy
Greek threesome.
How are we gonna pay for the rooms?
Why did they target us? What did we do to them?
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Run.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Go! Go! Go!
So, why are you going to your Mom's house?
Oh! Umm... it's... Christmas, heh. Summertime Christmas!
You know we... we missed it last year, so... so we're doing it
now. Be both... we both have just been so busy, you know,
and... and we never miss a holiday. We're very close.
She taught me everything I know about sandwiches.
Yeah, Dean, I know. I know I'm late. I know, okay, uh, what did
you say the cross streets were again? Hold on, just,
right. Okay, okay I have to get off the phone somebody's,
somebody's here. Okay, talk to you later. Bye.
- What are you doing here? - You could have called.
I tried, but you didn't pick up.
Tell your boyfriend to move the car. I'm late for a showing.
What?!
Mom... I'm in big trouble.
Oh, Drama. Here we go. I'm not giving you any more money.
I can't.
Please hold her for me.
Make it quick.
I need-to talk to you.
I can't hear you when you're whining, Bunny. Spit it out!
Could you please turn off your phone!
Ugh, believe me I'd love to, but I'm obligated to my clients. Oh
hi, Sally. Ah, yes, I'm on the way. Ah... the code is 8-5-6-7-9
hmm... uh... sorry can you hold for just a moment?
Could I stay with you? Just for a little bit?
- You always push. - Fine. The key's in the
armadillo. I'll be back by one and we'll sort it out.
And don't slam the door. You have to press in the tongue
and release. No slamming!
Hey! Please stop! Stop.
- I'm sorry. It was just awkward. - And ah... I wanted to give you
privacy. Oh! Here's your dog back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Umm... we're running low on fuel.
Oh, great!
What are we gonna do now?
Know what? My friend Zelda lives nearby. Saved the day!
Have fun with The Borings. What was that supposed to mean?
No idea.
SOUND TEXT ON SCREEN Pops.
SOUND SOUND
SOUND
SOUND SOUND TEXT ON SCREEN Pops.
Hey, Pops!
Do this. I can't do it. I had the dog in my hands. I just
- couldn't go through with it. - I'll find a way to get the
money, but not this way. Okay, I got a plan. I got a plan. Stan
and Dan gotta plan. Me and you doing it together.
The Hell we will! You get that Goddamn dog!
I-I'm not-I'm not cut out for this job! I'm not you!
Shit, Daniel! Danny, I need you to listen to me very carefully.
You remember your Uncle Morty? Well, he's not really your Uncle
and if you you don't get that Goddamn dog in the next
twenty-four hours, you're gonna be scraping me off the walls!
Shit! Come on! You want me to do that?! I'm not doin' it!
There's no way! No way in Hell I'm doin' it! Hello? You were on
mute. Okay, I'll do it, but this-this is the last time,
alright? This is it!
That a boy.
MUSIC ominous Italian music.
MUSIC scary shrill flute music.
SOUND Oh, my God. What is that?
The Heirlooms are ripe! Ripe! Ripe!
- Ohhhhh!! Ha! Ha! Okay! Okay! - I'm digging the whole Bacchae
of Euripides theme. Oh! Hahaha!!! Oh, it's so good to
see you! Oh ho ho!
Oh! And so wonderful to meet you! Oh!
Sorry!
- Mmmmm. Mmmmm. - Mmmmm.
This is the kind of place people get raped.
I don't care. I'm wearing a pillowcase. I'm hungry and
I'm tired and I need to get high.
I am not stayin' here.
Come inside! I've got some clothes that might work.
SOUND
Laila.
What's that.
Oh!
SOUND
Waited all day for you/Hope you're having fun/
I'm at Bar None/Jill.
Alright.
Oh, my God. When I see her, I'm going to give her so many
caramel kisses.
Oops.
Now, Where were we?
They were talking about their dog.
So, how did you two come together?
I asked her out after yoga class and she told me she was a lesbian.
I had to. It's like, all the other guys I went out.
None of them were right! Especially Robert. Pfft.
What did you tell her about Robert?
Nothing. She's in tune.
SOUND Yeah, right.
You have a really nice place.
I have to get real here. I'm vibing in some very dangerous
fear between you two and it's poison. It's toxic! I'm sorry
but that's it. No more bullshit stories. Yoga didn't
bring you together.
That's how we met.
No! What brought you together really?!
I don't know what?
Oh ho ho! Have you thought about why you're crossing your arms? Hmm?
Because it's comfortable?
Because it's freezing in here?
Because you're closing yourself off. Because you're afraid!
Afraid of what?
You tell me.
No, you tell me.
Is "no" your favorite word?
No.
Don't.
Let these- Stop it.
Go.
No.
Push the reset button!
No.
Is it so hard to say yes?
- I'll never understand that. - It's so easy. Yes!
No.
Yes!!
No!
Yeeeeeeeeeees!
No! Okay! Yes! Yes! Mother fucking yes! Are you all happy?
Is this happiness?
You're together because your souls are working to rectify an
imbalance.
She knows the Dalai Lama.
MUSIC country bar music.
SOUND
Highway Hero! Well the universe never stops, does she?
Look at that smile! It lights up the room!
Look... Mhmm?
I know who you are.
Well, I know who you are Highway 10. Barkeep, two more pretty, please.
Actually, ah... I guess ah... one won't hurt. Pixies.
SOUND Mhmm.
The Beatles, Stones, Petty.
Uh, Black Eyed Keys of course. Ween. Dave Brubeck. A. A. Bondy-
I love A. A. Bondy! I didn't think anyone knew about him!
No!
Okay. How about Herb Alpert and
the Tijuana Brass?
Ah. Hell's yeah, like I cook to that!
No, I-I love Pops and all ya know, but like there's no room
for my input in his vision of us. You know, like he's
always talking over me and he's like, he's beating me
down until I'm like i-it's just too exhausting to fight back.
Ugh. Ya know, I wish my Mom would take the time to talk to
me. It'd be easier to pin down a hummingbird.
She like never, like, told anyone we were dating.
Out every night. Like, we hung out every night.
You know, Kent didn't like to cuddle. He couldn't
stand being touched unless he instigated it.
Ugh.
All I wanted was for him to commit.
Kent is a, he's an ass clown. Your ex-boyfriend is an ass clown.
He is.
You know, the old me would be begging for your phone
number, planning our wedding, and naming our children.
323-638-9676, December 07, Bing, Chad, and Everly.
So... what are you doing in Santa Fe anyway? Is this
your business drinking in Townie bars, or are you a professor on
sabbatical looking to get his rocks off, or a Mormon
on a mission? Kiss me on my mouth hole.
I'm on a case. I'm a P.I.
Come here Mr. P.I.
Dang!
You're so weird. Ya know that?
I gotta be honest with you.
Mhmm.
I've been following you.
Mmm. You're so bad, you dirty P.I.
No, no. I really am a Private Investigator.
I've been following you since the rest stop near the 95.
The Harmons hired me to recover Laila and then have you arrested.
Wait, you're here to arrest me!?
Yeah. No, I mean I was, but J-Jill look I'm on your side
right now. I-I can make this go easy!
SOUND
Come on! Don't leave! Jill, don't go!
SOUND
Jill, I have no way of getting out of here!
This is where I will die!
SOUND
Hey.
SOUND
Um. No, come on.
SOUND
SOUND Ahhhhh.
Oh, man. I-I gotta go to bed.
- Finish your glass with me. - Come on.
No-no. I'm wasted. I really need to go to bed!
Like an hour ago...
- Come on. I just wanna talk. - You're so fun to talk to.
SOUND Oh, God.
Abby!
I'm so sorry.
I-I didn't kiss her. I- I'm sorry. Oh, God.
I kissed him. He didn't do anything.
Abby ; How long has this been going on? Wait a minute when-
when I-when the robbers came in and you two were in your
underwear were you-were y-were you?
No! No! No way! No. No. I did-I didn't do shit!
They were just some hoodlums I bought weed from.
What?!
I knew you did that!
I'm sorry, I fucked up I didn't know they were-
- Wait a minute. - Wait, wait. You're sorry that
you got us robbed, or you're sorry that you
kissed my husband. It's not enough that your life has
gone to shit, you have to ruin mine?
You don't need me to fuck up your life!
Who goes on a cross country crusade to find a dog?!!!
Yeah, I said it. A dog! You could have a real baby, but
noooo, it's easier to treat your dog like a baby!
Hmm-mm, hmm-mm. Laila is our baby.
- A human baby! It's embarrassing! - People make fun of
you when you push her around in that stroller!
No they don't!
You put little bonnets on her!
I don't put bonnets on her.
- If you want a baby. - Have a baby.
I don't want a baby.
Wait. You don't want a baby?
Why the Hell not?
None of your business!
I thought we were waiting until we're financially ready to like-
It's not about the money. I work seventy hours
a week. I don't have time. I travel. I'm bi-coastal.
I'm in Europe half the year.
Then quit your job and start your clothing line!
What's the problem?
Yeah, I mean you could work from home and
we can like pool our resources together-
You're folding your arms again!
So, you are closed off!
Abby, open up!
Wh-why, tell us why, you don't want a baby? I want to know!
Why don't you want a baby?!!!
Okay! Okay! Okay! I am... afraid of babies.
Really?
Yes.
What?
I...have never actually held one. I've had the opportunity,
but I'm afraid that I will drop them because they are soft
and delicate and they are like little birds with no feathers.
Are you serious right now?
I'm totally serious. It is not hard to accidentally kill a
baby. People do it all the time. It's always on the news. They
have tiny breathing holes and their heads are mushy. What
if you think that they're crying and they're actually bleeding
internally? I don't want that kind of pressure. I don't want
to be a bad parent.
- That's so fucking stupid. - That came out wrong.
It's just... I want someone to make a family with.
Well, then stop dating boy scouts and date someone with
some faults like the rest of us. You deserve Taylor Lautner and,
and the rest of us get Jason Alexander?
Thanks.
Grow up, Kat. You're 42.
I am?
Abby?
SOUND
It's gonna be really hard for me to trust you for a while.
I know.
But you're my best friend and I love you. I do!
I love you too.
And I want to believe. I do, I believe that you were
fucked up and lonely and desperate and really creepy!
Thank you!
Don't! Don't push it.
'kay.
But mostly you've been a really good friend to me. And I want
you to know that I did hear you, and... I will consider
giving up the stroller and possibly the baby Bjorn.
And I'll cut back on the wine except on the weekend, and.
Holidays and special occasions, but otherwise it's like, none!
You know?
Okay.
I..I-I'm still gonna wipe Laila's ass with baby wipes
because to me that's just hygienic and she sleeps in the bed.
Agreed.
And we're not boring.
I know you're not.
Not all the time.
SOUND
Hey.
Hi.
Can I come in?
You want a Bloody Mary?
SOUND
I don't want to lose you over this stupid job.
It's... I'll support you in any decision you plan on making,
okay? Cause I know you'll make the right one.
Cause you're a good person.
The right decision is to give the dog back.
I know. I really want to... SOUND
Hair of the dog.
Mmm!
PHONE RINGS It's Dan!
- I wanna make a deal. - Jill is willing to give Laila
back, but no jail time.
A-And the ransom, the ransom was just a ruse.
And, she's super sorry.
Whose side are you on?
Ah, I-I'm on the side of everybody wins here.
Are you fucking her?
Ah. Ah, no, let, let's, let's just say things have changed,
alright?
He's fucking her.
Okay, that's the deal you got it? And I want ten grand
an-and-and that's a fee, that is not a ransom. I want to make
that perfectly clear! Alright. I wanna rendevous at 5pm.
Occupado and 110th.
Say twenty paces in.
Just say it. Just say it. Say it.
And I want it. I want it to be twenty paces in.
You know what? The desert is almost as original
as the quarry, and I can hear you breathing Jill.
- It's remote, and no cops! - There's any cops and we're out!
That's it!
Whirrr!
That's us drivin' away like bats outta Hell!
Okay. Thank you so much!
She's like a giant squid.
Thank you! Ahhh! Okay. Bye!
What if we don't move to San Francisco?
Really?
Yeah, I can work from home. You could start your line, and we
would have more time together and we could work on-
Yes.
Yes?
Mhmm.
Unity Consciousness!
SOUND Hello?
MUSIC Sappy Instrumental BFFFFFFFFF song.
Just because we have to say goodbye doesn't mean that
I don't love you, but I know that they do too.
I'll always hold you here in... my heart.
Somebody hates you.
Clearly. You owe me for the door.
Go ahead. What are you waiting for? Shoot!
I'm afraid of you.
Come on!
I'm afraid you'll be defensive.
What'd I do?!
You worked too much. I was a little kid and you left
me alone all the time. I mean, I-I know I was mature for my
age, but I was only 10! I felt abandoned.
I never abandoned you! I had to work! Oh! You are so
ungrateful! What was I supposed to do, huh? I was a single
parent. I worked 60 hours a week, taught jazz, tap, ballet
on the weekends... tell me how you'd do it smarty?!
I don't know! I just missed you!
SOUND
Ring it again!
SOUND SOUND ominous Italian music.
What is going on?! I can't see anything!
Jill Tozer!
That's my Dad. He was in the driveway when I got here.
Alright.
Ow!
What?!
I said I had this under control.
- Danny! Danny! - I know you can hear me!
No! No! No! No! I am not harbouring criminals!
Get out of my house! Get! Out the back! Go!
What?!
Goddamn it, Danny!
I'm goin' in.
Just let the experts handle this.
What makes you think they can handle it?
MUSIC ominous Italian music.
Uncle Morty?
Hey, Danny.
Hey, I told you son, Morty doesn't operate well on
extended deadlines. He started to doubt that I got the
money coming to me.
Oh, come on, Uncle Morty.
Don't mess with Morty! I know he's like an Uncle to you, but
make no mistake he'll cut your balls off!
Ah, I see the money's here. Get over here with the rest of them.
It's-it's okay he's with me, just do what he says.
Give me back my dog!
That's your dog? I don't blame you for being upset. Somebody
took my dog, I'd put a fucking hole in their head.
You give the dog back. You hand over the money, and you
open the bag.
- Well, thank you for everything. - Nice to meet you. Thank you.
What's the rush?
Oh, my God.
What's this? What is this?!
It's a tomato.
It's a-an heirloom tomato.
This some kind of fuckin' joke?
We got robbed.
What?!
SOUND
Keep me in the game coach!
Go! Get out of here!
Thank you! Thank you!
This way!
SOUND You like tuna?
I'll make you a sandwich. I got fresh cucumbers.
I got romaine from the garden. I got fresh avo, yeah, I've got
some mustard that I just bought at the farmer's market and
some hot, delicious, crusty baguettes.
SOUND
What about pudding? You got any pudding?
- I don't have any pudding. - I don't know what
happened to it.
SOUND Whoa! Yeah! Bite.
SOUND SOUND I'll get it.
Okay.
C'mon, c'mon.
Oh, thank you.
Who is it?
Mormons.
- That's right, come here! - Come here! Let go of that.
Grrr! Grrrr! Grrrr!
SOUND MUSIC lullaby plays.
MUSIC lullaby plays.
- Hello little baby. Sh! Sh! - Sh! Sh! Sh! Sh!
SOUND SOUND Eliott!
Barks
♪ Hope it helped -> bozxphd ♪